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Identity crisis hits poll credibility

Clegg poll boost 'blamed on voters' association with popular Tv soap figure'.

Compo
standing by for last minute intervention in North country marginals battle. Last of the Summer Wine cast called up for political role in the Celebrity Election.

Continued clouds of opaque material emanating from 600+ local centres as the volcanic forces of nature clash cataclysmically with unnatural human practices.

Watch out for the imminent launch of tweet-sized manifestos - triumph of form over substance.

Talking of 'substance' - our Man from Savile Row reports rumours of further quantitative easing in the Prime Mentalist (Guido's brilliant term for the Great Gordo) waistband: elephant in the room assumes new proportions, maybe?

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